A lot of my blog recently has been about the adoption journey I’ve been on, first by myself and then with my son. I’ve not shared his own journey into – and then out of – care, because that’s his story to tell if he ever chooses. He must have the right to keep things private if he chooses.
But, of course, I have shared things about our experiences through my blog. I’ve had to be really think what I’m going to be writing about; there are certain things that need to be off-limits, but others that aren’t. I have to be guided what I feel is right, and what common sense tells me the natural boundary should be. I might not always get it right, of course, but I try my rest when i write about other people.
My guiding philosophy is a simple one; if my son decides to read my blog when I’m older, what will he make of it? Will he think, “Dad does go on a bit, doesn’t he?” I’ll happily take that critique, mostly because it’s true, but if he’s thinking that, then he won’t be thinking that I’ve gone too far down a particular path. Not that I think I have.
I’ve not even named my son on this forum, and I don’t intend to start now. I’m anonymous to the birth family, primarily because I want to protect my privacy as well as my son’s; I can write about events in a generic enough way to make sure that he won’t be identified until he’s old enough to make up his own mind. He he then wants to be associated with what I’ve written, then so be it; if not, then I’ll respect that. My blog has been reinvented enough to cope with another change of direction; in fact, I might change direction seventeen times before then anyway if other subjects come up that interest me.
Being mindful of my son’s privacy is vital; that’s why I don’t call him by his name on a public blog, or even share any photos. I would love to, but I shan’t; not until – yes – some time has passed and his features change as he enters adolescence. When he wants to connect with social media – as I presume he will, like the majority of his friends – I will have a conversation with him about that. There are people on Facebook that it’s not right he connects with – that’s presuming Bryan will even want to, of course; this is all worse-case scenarios – and I need to make sure he understands why.
My son, if you do ever decide to read this blog, let me direct a comment towards you; every decision I have taken on your behalf has been based on love, a desire to keep you safe, and a desire to give you as normal a life as possible. This blog might give you some insight into what brought us together; you were wanted, and you still are, no matter what journey we have been on. I’m proud of you, and I love you very much.